Update on my Mental Health
I wanted to give you all an update on my mental health, and to check in with y'all and express myself a little bit.
The last few weeks have been really really REALLY difficult for me, I've definitely seen an increase in my anxiety attacks and stress levels, but I've also made some real emotional breakthroughs.
We'll deal with the shitty stuff first shall we and end on a high?
Those of you who follow me on Twitter will know that I've had some real ups and downs recently, and I'd like to say thank you for all the support you've shown me, while I've been struggling. You have been a great source of comfort to me.
I've been working my little brain to maximum capacity over the last few weeks and it has taken its toll in some ways and absolutely paid off in others.
The shitty stuff:
1. Firstly, my back and forth to the GP has been taxing, to say the least. I am seriously fearful of medical stuff and being in the doctors surgery just triggers my medical anxiety - I don't think I've ever EVER seen one of those medical posters and not thought "I have ALL those symptoms"...
2. My job was putting a serious strain on my mental health; keeping me up at night and negatively affecting my mood. After everything I've been through in the last few years and all the progress I've made in my recovery from PTSD, I finally decided "Enough is enough!" and made the difficult decision to leave. I know it was the right thing to do, but it still hasn't been easy.
3. My stress levels have been particularly high, which has been causing headaches, which have in turn been triggering panic attacks. Y'all know I don't cope well with any kind of medical stuff, and I've been so worried that the headaches are indicative of an oncoming aneurysm that I've been having some serious and crippling panics. They are down to stress though, and while that isn't good either - please don't worry about me because I am working on it.
4. Although it is very vain of me to admit, and it should be the LEAST of my worries, the hair pulling is really getting me down. It seems like such a silly and little thing to be worried about with everything else going on in my life at the moment - but it's so major and it really f*cking sucks. I find myself subconsciously pulling whenever I'm not typing basically, which means I am in a constant state of annoyance with myself. ugh.
5. Since being diagnosed with PTSD I have been having a period every 6 months, more or less to the day. I'm now on my 8th month without one, which really pisses me off.
The Good Stuff:
1. My string of GP appointments seem to have paid off as far as I now have a confirmed assessment with one of the psych team on April 23rd. I'm hoping that this means I'll finally get the talk therapy I've been desperately wanting, but y'all know I've been waiting for a long time and that I've gotten my hopes up before!
2. Leaving my job has been a source of stress and I miss a lot of the people I used to work with, but it has given me the opportunity to re-evaluate my life and make some big decisions on my future. I know my limitations and I also know that this decision will be the best possible for me when I look back on it in months to come.
3. Although I've been really unwell over the last few weeks, I've used the time to practice mindfulness and make some lifestyle changes that I'll be sharing in the new "Life" section of my blog over the next few days.
4. I've made the decision to go back to University and FINALLY get the degree that I always should have gotten. I dropped out after losing my Mum and always felt as though the degree was somehow taken from me - I'm going to go back (10 years on from round 1) and smash it this time. Wish me luck!
5. I've really been looking after myself lately. That isn't a self-indulgent thing, I just have. I could make this list WAY longer, and I might have to do a list of "little wins" or something in the next few days, but for now I'm just focusing on looking after myself. Writing this has actually used up the very last of my energy for today and so I'm just going to let myself rest now.
I mentioned yesterday on Social Media that I wasn't well enough to write at the moment, and I stand by that. I'm going to try to pick it up again in the next few days, but for now I'm just doing me and respecting the limitations of my illness.
Peace and Love