Things that make me anxious, part 7: Clouds.
Today my brain broke.
A heavy cloud descended on my brow and darkened the world. It was probably my own fault, I've been ignoring that little "you have 63 updates waiting" box for far too long and forgetting to shut down and restart.
And so my head has yet another fog in it. This one is very different to that mysterious derealisation cloud I spoke about on Wednesday. This one is sinister and chaotic and made of anger, sadness and injustice. It is full of hot rain and rage and it sits right on the front of my forehead, weighing down on my thoughts. It is stormy, invasive and blinding and every attempted distraction is futile.
I am lucky to have a usually sunny outlook. Anxiety and depression so often go hand in hand, but for me that hasn't been the case. It must take up so much energy to fight them both at the same time - this one Sunday is crippling to me, but the temporary nature of it keeps me mostly calm.
It's important to recognise that not all anxiety means an Anxiety Disorder and feeling depressed doesn't always mean you have Depression. A dark day can really take it out of you though, and that's OK. The things that make me feel better won't necessarily work for you, because we are all individuals, united by - but not defined by - our struggles.
We all have different sunshines. We all have different clouds. We all have different Sundays: mine feels like a Joy Division song.