Bleeding Love (A change in my cycle: PTSD & Periods)
Have you been following my road to recovery from PTSD? If so you’ll know that one of the most annoying physical symptoms of PTSD (for me, at least) has been the lack of womb activity I’ve been having.
My period has been irregular (2-3 times a year) since I got back with my ex after attempting to leave a 2 years after meeting him and being manipulated back into caring for him while he abused me.
I was hoping it’d return to me after the relationship finally ended, especially when the intitial period of symptoms (hallucinations and night terrors) has subsided and I tatted to be able to live a relatively “normal” day to day life. But it wasn’t to be.
Some of you may have been following my series on my move from Sheffield to Cardiff, which you’ll know was a decision I made to benefit my mental health and help with recovery, and maybe the move has been far more cathartic and powerful than I realised because, not only have I been so much happier, BUT this morning I got my period.
27 days after my last period.
That is CORRECT. I have had 2 periods in a row for the first time in 4 years.
Needless to say I cried. I came downstairs sobbing like a 5 year old, to a worried and confused Sarah. After a few minutes of blubbering (while Doug* continuously licked my face), I managed to get the words out.
I *SNIFF* got *SNIFF* my period *SNOT*
We both froze for a moment and then (much to Doug’s joy and relief) started proverbially wagging our own tails in celebration. And by that I mean, Sarah cried with me for a bit.
I can’t put into words how amazing it really feels to have my body finally catching up with all the effort I’ve been putting in to fixing my mind and my life after all the trauma I went through. I feel so lucky to be alive and I feel so grateful for the opportunity to recover, which I know so many victims of domestic abuse have cruelly stolen from them.
Who knows whether I’ll get a third consecutive period next month, but either way I’m happy with the progress I’ve made so far.
I’d like to give a special shout out at this point to the troll called Colin, who took it upon myself to try to undermine my mental health awareness work (and the work of so many other amazing bloggers) by adding me to the list titled “Menstruating Bitches” a few days ago. Truly thank you for my period, Colin. If there is a troll heaven, you are guaranteed to fast pass straight through those stony gates. I am forever indebted to you, may you continue to bless the world with your wisdom and ovary miracles. You have a gift.
*Cough* Anyywayyyy... I do think that leaving Sheffield has a lot to do with this new progress in my recovery story. I know not everyone is privileged with the opportunity to relocate, but if you can put some geographical distance between you and your abuser, I strongly advise that you do so. Give yourself permission to put your recovery first.
You HAVE got this. ily.
(*for those of you who are new here, it’s worth noting that Doug is my labrador - not a strange man we live with who licks our faces)