Signs your relationship is serious in 2019
I’vE mEt A bOy So I aM oFfIcIaLLy A rElAtIoNsHiP eXpErT.
Relationships are just the best. I think that all kinds of relationships are worth celebrating; with friends, with lovers, with your family (basically anyone who has ever made you a coffee) and there are a million different milestones that are worth celebrating too: the gooey start bit, the ILOVEYOUs, the mind blowing orgasms, the first fight, nailing each other because you NAILED communication, meeting the family, fighting with the family and (let’s face it) for some relationships one of the things worth celebrating is the E_N_D.
A few weeks ago I moved in with Bae and now I’m living with him in the attic of his family home. It’s both pretty quick (we’ve been dating since February) and really not (we’ve been friends since we were 14 - awww) and it got me thinking… It’s 2019 and we’re all broke and have had 534657436 housemates by the time we get to our 30s, becoming Facebook Offish is sooooo 2014 and not one of us can afford a wedding favour, so what are the real signs your relationship is serious in 2019?
You can stop pondering that now. I’ve already done the thinking for you. Here is a literal list.
You merge Netflix accounts
Perhaps THE most reliable piece of evidence as to whether or not you have found The One (or two, or three, I’m all about supporting that poly lifestyle) is the state of your streaming subscriptions. After all, losing your progress half way through a series of Stranger Things is no joke, but in 2019 giving up your Netflix account is one of the most noble and rewarding (hear me out) decisions you can make for your OTL (one true love).
I cancelled my Netflix last week and here is why it’s the best:
I get to go to sleep every night with the knowledge that I am not a useless trash person and am, in actual fact, a selfless angel who made the ULTIMATE sacrifice in the name of love.
I have since gone back to the very first episode of Queer Eye and (bonus) managed to rediscover my favourite happy cry show, but now there’s someone sitting next to me who has actual pockets to fill with tissues.
I can forget that I ever watched Gilmore Girls: A Year in the Life and truly move on with my life.
My boyfriend thinks he discovered The Good Place and I’m OK with that, because it means I get to watch it again. Score.
The fun time I had making a new profile and picking out an avatar (I also made a profile for my dog. Not sorry.)
You actually talk about sex
Because you guys are Level 92 communicators now. I don’t mean just like “sit on my face”, but you actually talk about all the things that could possibly get in the way of getting off.
Your partner loves you and you know they do, which means it’s safe to share your fantasies, fetishes, boundaries and traumas. If you’re in a healthy relationship, sex isn’t a separate sordid part of your coupledom; it’s just an extension of it.
Rubbing your bits together is one of the most natural ways of communicating your love, make the most of it by making it as safe, comfortable and pleasurable as possible for both of you.
Speaking of which…
You *BOTH* give head. Generously.
Or maybe oral isn’t your thing. But whatever it is you’re into as a couple (in and out of the bedroom), you’re both putting in a bunch of effort.
You know their fantasy pet names.
Does your partner want a Labradoodle called Noodle? A Chihuahua called Charlie? A lizard called Iggy Pop? A Mouse named after their favourite golfer? A tamagotchi called Bert? Whatever their dream pet, if you haven’t discussed goldfish names yet, you’re don’t quite get your Miley and Liam badge.
Managing Mental Health is a team sport
I can’t emphasise this enough. Your life partner should want you to be happy and healthy. That doesn’t mean that anyone should put their partner’s needs above their own, but it does mean being mindful of symptoms, traumas and triggers.
If Bae nurtures a safe space where you can open up, rest and recover, then they are a KEEPER!
You have a zombie assembly point.
If a zombie apocalypse were to break out like RIIIIGHT now, you both know the plan and (awwww) you’re on each others’ ultimate zombie team. You guys are the cutEST couple I know. Legit.
You’re not afraid to be GROSS together.
I can sense that I am about to split the room. I think it’s important that your partner knows you’re a real life human bean and not something drawn by a Disney Imagineer.
Humans are squelchy and imperfect and sometimes even a little bit smelly and that’s OK. Whenever I see a couple together and I notice that they’re both unwashed and covered in the thickest, curliest body hair I think “awwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww #CoupleGoals.”
Why make a secret of the fact that we’re ALL disgusting when nobody is watching? Like, I have NEVER met a woman who hasn’t, at some point, had a spot on her tit. Covering your tit spots with concealer is a sign that you aren’t ready for commitment. Moving on…
You get invited to something AS A COUPLE.
Preferably a birthday, wedding, funeral or divorce party BUT court hearings, meetings with your landlord and spa days still totally count.
One of your makes something for the other.
Like a jumper or a scrapbook or fresh baked cookies (awww!). In a world where we order Uber Eats for perfect strangers, nothing says “I am serious about our relationship” like a homemade quiche.
Well, did I miss something?
Comment below and tell me the sign that made you realise your relationship was getting serious. Or just recommend me shit on Netflix. I don’t really care, I just want to feel like a real blogger.