My new confidence building daily self care routine

Affiliate Links | I’ve included some links in this post to the products I’ve been using every day recently. They’re all products that I own (or the closest match I could find) and they’ve been helping me feel a bit better lately. If you click the link, you’ll be taken to a third party website where, if you choose to make a purchase, I’ll earn a small commission at no extra cost to you.

What I will say now though is that you absolutely do not need to go out and buy things to make your own self care routine. I did, but I wouldn’t usually be able to. So I don’t want any of you to feel that pressure.

I want to start by saying that I’ve had a pretty shit couple of years. I know I’m not alone in that. We’ve all been going through this pandemic, cut off from each other and from the things, people, activities and services that we previously relied on to make us feel better. On top of that, I’ve had some other tough times. I live with PTSD and there’s been an ongoing investigation into my abusive ex that has lasted for almost 2 years now. I’m tired. I feel like shit.

My self worth has been lower than ever before over these last few years. Domestic violence really impacts your self esteem. If I’m honest, it’s been awful. Of course I’ve had some good times too – but I’d be lying if I said they weren’t somewhat overshadowed by the fear, worry and symptoms I deal with on a daily basis.

I feel like I’ve had to work pretty hard at building any kind of self care routine. Routine in general has always been pretty hard for me to establish, but I do find it beneficial. The little things that I’ve been doing recently have helped me feel a tiny bit more hopeful about the future. I still have PTSD. Things are still hard. But there has been some hope. That’s why I’m sharing this.

Also, I’d just like to say right now that this isn’t a complete list of everything I do in a day. I know that’s what some people will be looking for, but I’m not at that level of energy or efficiency yet. These are just things that I’ve been trying to do consistently and each one of them has made me feel better in its own way.

I’m going to start with the most important one:

Drinking more water

I’ve struggled with drinking water for years. Instead relying on other liquids like squash, diet coke or tea and coffee to get through the day. I never quite managed to drink enough water and it always made me pretty sad. The thing is, I know how important it is, which is why I kept trying to find solutions.

There were several obstacles I had to overcome:

1. I am prone to brain fog and forgetting to drink
2. I have to manage my energy levels carefully and can’t always care for myself
3. Glasses never seem clean enough to drink from
4. I have deep fears of contamination and don’t like certain drinking vessels

One of my twitter friends bought me this water bottle from my Amazon wishlist for my birthday. I’d had water bottles before, but this one stuck for some reason and it’s helped me overcome the problems above to a large degree. I’m the only person that drinks from it, so it makes me less scared of any potential contamination and it’s only ever had water in it so it seems cleaner than our other glasses and water always tastes the same from it.

It’s got a straw, which makes it easier to drink from than a lot of bottles. It’s BPA free and it also has a flippable lid, which makes it spill proof. Although my bottle has times printed down the side (which might be helpful for some of you), I haven’t been able to use them because they go from 8AM to 6PM and my sleeping pattern is so regularly out of whack.

For some reason, I absolutely love this bottle. This might sound like a nonsense to some of you, but if you know how hard it is to get your daily water in, then I’m sure you can imagine what a relief it is to finally be able to drink it.

If you’ve been struggling with getting enough water and you haven’t tried one of these kinds of bottles before, I recommend giving it a go. It’s made a huge difference to me.

Taking care of my skin

For the first time in my life, I have a skincare routine. I’m 31, for context.

I’ve been using gentle, cruelty free make up for years now. But I have barely worn makeup since March 2020 and, if I’m honest, I’ve barely paid any attention to my appearance at all.

While appearance definitely isn’t everything, I’m sure some of you will be able to relate to what I’m about to say. I’ve been feeling so low for the last few months that, what started as just letting myself be comfortable, slowly turned into not caring about myself to a point where it was affecting my confidence and self worth. I swear at some point it was about empowerment and freedom and over time it just got out of hand. I don’t know how to put it into words.

Of course, I’m not about to fix this complex issue with some bloody moisturiser. It’s gonna be a long path to feeling good about myself again. But I took a small step when I said “hey, you’re allowed to spend this money on yourself” and several other small steps every morning and every evening when I’ve used them.

I bought the Fenty Skin Start’r Set, which is £32 from Boots and includes a miniature version of each of the 3 products in the Fenty Skin range. As instructed, I’ve been using the Cleans’r (45ml) and Toner, Fat Water (50ml) morning and night and I’ve been using the moisturiser, Hydra Vizor, every morning. The moisturiser has SPF 30 protection, which is amazing.

The products have minimal plastic packaging (the outer packaging was all cardboard) and the set is vegan and cruelty free, which I love.

I have sensitive skin, but so far I’ve had no inflammation or reaction to the products (I’ll review fully when I’ve been using them a little longer). The products do contain fragrance so be mindful of that, if you have a sensitivity to fragrance. So far they’ve been working wonderfully for me.

What can I say? My face smells good. My nose is happy. My skin feels fresh and, most importantly, I feel like I’m doing a little thing to take care of myself. I’ve never really known what to buy when it comes to skincare and this has been a much bigger success than I expected if I’m honest. I’m so glad it’s just one set but is also a skincare routine.

Reflecting at the end of each day

Recently I’ve been looking back at each day and thinking about what it really has been like. I used to try to do this at the beginning of each day (thinking about yesterday and setting goals) but it felt like way too much pressure. So I switched things up.

I try to ask myself 3 questions at the end of every day.

1. What did I do well today?
2. What could have gone better today?
3. What do I hope will happen tomorrow?

I do all of this out loud, btw. I think saying the questions and answers out loud helps me keep it sincere and realistic. If I were to do this exercise in my head, I think it would be too easy for me to slip into self hatred or punishment. My brain can be awesome, but it can also be a bugger and I don’t want to get stuck on question 2 with hours of self blaming.

Getting my partner involved

I invented a game to play with my partner on the days where I’m feeling hopeless. It’s simple but effective. By no means is it a cure when I’m deep in depression, but it does lift me at times. I recommend getting someone else involved in the game, even if it’s just via message.

The game is simple: we each take turns in saying something that we have to look forward to and whoever can’t think of something first loses the game. Try it out, I find it’s good to play every day.

The answers can be big or small. Here are some of the things we’ve had come up, to give you some ideas. Don’t steal ours though, they have to be personal to you. No cheating!

1. We’re getting married!
2. We’re going to Florida on our honeymoon
3. We’re having pizza this evening
4. One day we’ll have a little baby
5. Doug’s birthday is coming up (Doug is our labrador)
6. I’m going to make a full time wage from my blog (I like to speak goals into existence as if they’re going to happen – do it with me!)
7. We’ve got an episode of Drag Race to watch
8. Being old and cute and holding hands
9. When my PJs come out of the dryer all warm and toasty
10. The day that fear doesn’t run my life anymore

A real mixed bag.

Trying to go outside

I live with agoraphobia. It makes even stepping into the garden scary.

I’ve been trying to make an effort to go outside every day. I haven’t succeeded every day, but I am making some progress. Even on the days when I don’t make it into the garden, I try to open the door and just take a peep. Sometimes I don’t even get that far, but just knowing that I’ve tried makes a big difference to my overall sense of achievement!

Exercising at home

I’m trying to exercise at home every day. I’ve had to really build my fitness from the ground up (a lot of this is due to agoraphobia). Because I can’t always make it outside, we saved up and bought ourselves a cross trainer. We spent extra to make sure that we were buying a safe and dependable on.

We bought this Reebok ZR8 Cross Trainer and it’s been fantastic so far. It is heavy though and a bit tricky to assemble, definitely a two person job.

The price of home exercise equipment has gone up since lockdown. It makes sense I guess because the gyms are closed. From a financial perspective, it’s probably not the best time to make a purchase, but if you want to invest in your health then it’s really not something that you can put a price on.

When it first arrived I could barely do 3 minutes on it. I’m building up my fitness in 3 minute intervals (adding 1 song to my playlist each time I go up an increment) so that I can slowly get myself back to full health. Moving my body has given my mood such a boost and feels absolutely fantastic.

Telling myself I’m worth it

At least once per day, I say “I’m worth it” out loud. I’m trying to reinforce the idea that I am somebody worth taking care of. I spent a long time living with an abuser and my self worth slowly eroded over that period. It’s going to take some effort and some time to get it back.

But I’m worth it.

If you’re looking to establish your own self care routine, here are 50 self care ideas to help you distract yourself from anxiety – I hope something on the list appeals to you. I’ve also put together a post of 10 minute self care ideas for those of you who are building from the ground up and, like me, haven’t yet got used to the idea of dedicating time to taking care of yourself!

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