Talking to myself like I would talk to a friend

For the longest time, I’ve been telling people to treat themselves better while failing to take my own advice. Talk to yourself like you’d talk to a friend, I’d say. Meanwhile I’d be talking to myself in a way I never would anyone else. So I’m writing this post for me. Because I deserve kindness.

I would absolutely love for anyone else reading this to also give this a go. Please share it with me if you do. I would love to read it.

A letter to myself

Dear me,

I have a confession to make. I’ve been missing a huge part of self care and I’ve only just realised it! While I’m proud of where I’ve come so far in my recovery journey, this is something I need to work on for me.

I’ve been saying horrible things to myself for a long time now. Not always out loud. Not always consciously. But I’ve been hard on myself in a way that, if I’m honest, I don’t deserve.

And I would NEVER talk to a friend like this. Never. If a friend approached me with some of the same obstacles and fears I face, I would be understanding, gentle and supportive. But when I can’t face a task that’s tough for me (like cleaning my home or going outside), I am so critical and suspicious of myself.

I deserve to be on my own side. I’ve been through so much. It is understandable that I would be hyper critical of myself. And I have to forgive myself for that. I lived with an abuser for over 3 years and it’s only natural that I have absorbed some of the shame, guilt and fear he instilled in me.

I forgive myself for being unkind to me. But I’m also going to gently push myself into being more thoughtful and considerate towards myself. It’s been many years of self doubt now, I deserve to have my own little cheer leader. And who better to do that than me?

Although I kind of knew that I was sometimes overly hard on myself, it wasn’t until I recently had life coaching that I understood the extent and frequency of it. I’ve been telling myself that I’m incapable and failing for longer than I know. But now that I’ve become aware of it, I can work on making a change!

I deserve kindness and empathy. I deserve to be treated well by myself. The need for approval runs deep in abuse survivors. We’ve learned to look for signs of upcoming danger and to modify our own behaviour to avoid it. It’s ok that I need that, but nobody’s opinion of me should ever be more important than my own.

My opinion counts. I am the voice that I hear most often. So I am giving myself permission to say kind, gentle and considerate things to myself. From here on in, I’ll be telling myself that things are going to be OK. That maybe everything will go right. That I deserve success.

I have accepted that I am more afraid of success than I am of failure. Success brings visibility and it also brings feedback. Things that are scary for someone who is as sensitive as me. For far too long I’ve been self sabotaging and afraid to put my faith in myself. But I am trustworthy and competent and I deserve success.

It is OK for me to hope that nice things will happen to me. It is also OK that I worry that good things will go wrong. Totally natural, given what I’ve been through in life. But how exciting could it be if things went right!

I want the future to hold calm, joy and security. And I’m going to unapologetically take steps to working towards that. And I’ll remind myself every day that I deserve to gift myself this chance.

Anneli

---

I would ABSOLUTELY love it if even one person could write this kind of letter to themselves. I’ve done this purely for myself, but anything positive you can take from it is always going to be a bonus. Please let me know if you do.

Also, while I’ve got you, I recently launched my Etsy shop. It’s called Hello Pumpkin and it will eventually be ethereal gifts and homeware (for now I’ve listed my art prints to sell). You can follow the shop here on Etsy and on Twitter @hellopumpkinuk.

0