This post is primarily for people who are living with PTSD, but it could also be helpful for those who are supporting a loved one with the condition. I’ve been living with PTSD for almost 5 years now and I know how helpful it has been to read information written by others who understand what it’s really like.
Post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) is an anxiety disorder caused by very frightening, distressing or stressful events. Any event that is traumatic could lead to PTSD, but not everyone who goes through the same event will go on to develop the disorder. Developing PTSD doesn’t mean you are weak at all, it’s estimated that around 1 in 3 people who survive trauma will go on to have PTSD and it isn’t clear why.
According to the NHS, PTSD can develop immediately after someone experiences a disturbing event, or it can occur weeks, months or even years later. If you’ve lived through something that was traumatic for you and your mental health takes a sudden dip, it could be that it’s a delayed onset of PTSD.
If you think you might be living with PTSD, here are some things you should know:
This isn’t your fault
It’s normal and natural to feel a level of guilt and responsibility for traumatic events, especially when that trauma has been lifechanging. It’s human nature to dwell on regret and pose hypothetical questions, but we react in unpredictable ways during highly stressful events and it’s important to know that your trauma is not your fault.
Flashbacks aren’t always visual
Reliving your trauma is one of the main symptoms of PTSD, but that can come in many forms. While some people will experience flashbacks in the form of intrusive visual memories, this isn’t always how they manifest. It’s quite common to have audible or emotional flashbacks and re-experience certain aspects of the abuse, without any visualisation.
Recovery isn’t linear
In fact, it’s up and down AF. Don’t be surprised if you go through depressive periods after any major break throughs. I always struggle during these times because making progress so often requires addressing trauma head on. It’s hard not to be disheartened when this happens, but your mood and self worth will bounce back, I promise.
It takes its toll on your body
PTSD causes states of heightened anxiety, fear and tension. And all of those things take a toll on your body. It’s normal to experience headaches, muscular pain, back ache and other symptoms as a result of this. It’s important to treat your body well and to talk to your doctor if you need help with pain management.
Your senses might be heightened
Since having PTSD, I’ve noticed that my sense of smell is far more sensitive. I can pick out teeny tiny smells I never would have noticed before. Many people with PTSD subconsciously monitor their surroundings for changes that could indicate danger, so don’t be surprised if you find yourself sensing things you wouldn’t have before.
In fact, my heightened sensitivity to noise is one of the reasons that moving to the countryside helped with my PTSD.
Being tired is understandable
The hypervigilance, emotional toll and increased likelihood of sleep disturbances that go along with having PTSD can leave you feeling more tired than before. Don’t be surprised if you need to manage your energy levels more carefully or sleep more than you did before PTSD. Rest is an important part of recovery – don’t skip it!
It’s OK to grieve for your old self
It’s normal to grieve for who you were before PTSD. Trauma changes who we are and how we feel about the world around us. It’s completely natural to feel sorrow for the life you had. Allow yourself to grieve. Trying to suppress these feelings will only make it harder in the long run.
Feel your feelings. But you should know that you are just as wonderful now as you were before. Make a conscious effort to find the things that bring you joy now. You deserve wonderful things and it’s more important now than ever.
Accept the help you are offered
You will reach out for help and you will sometimes feel let down by the response you get. There are many services and support systems that you should be entitled to but won’t be able to access. This isn’t a reflection of you. You are valid. What you’ve been through is hard. You can make up for the lack of available support by accepting help that you are offered. You deserve help getting back on your feet.
Treatment can make things worse before it makes things better
This is complicated because of course treatment will ultimately be your route to healing and you should weigh up your options, do some research and choose the treatment you think will be best for you. If you’re going to opt for talk therapy, you should be aware that the first few sessions could be really tough. This is because you might be properly addressing memories, thoughts and feelings that you’ve tried to forget. And finally confronting them is hard.
You can do this though. You are going to get through this and it will get easier with time.
Your life is valuable
Some aspects of your life might be much harder than you ever thought they could be. It is common for trauma survivors to experience low self esteem and suicidal thoughts. But you are a survivor and your life is important and valuable. You deserve recovery and you deserve to find out what’s waiting for you at the end of all of this hard work. I believe in you.
If you need help with suicidal thoughts, the Samaritans are available to talk confidentially and for free 24 hours a day.
If you’d like to read more posts from me about living with PTSD, I recommend checking out 10 things I learned in counselling. It’s a post about growth and recovery and how I learned to be more self confident through my relationship with my counsellor and the work we did together.
If you’re currently waiting for counselling, you might want to take a look at what to expect from person centred counselling.
