Affiliate links | It’s common for people with anxiety, depression and other mental health conditions to struggle with basic self care. And, if you do too, you’re not alone. I go through regular periods of depression that impact my ability to care for myself and, whenever I come out of it, I’m faced with the daunting task of having to catch up on all of the things I’ve been unable to deal with while feeling low.
I often find myself climbing out of the bad times, only to be faced with a to-do list I hadn’t even realised was creeping up on me. Bathing, going to the doctors, cleaning the house, doing the dishes, catching up on laundry – it all builds up. By far my least favourite of these tasks is untangling my matted hair – it’s overwhelming!
I’d been feeling so ashamed and awful about it. I thought I was alone with this problem but, after tweeting about it, I realised this was far from the case. It really reassured me to hear that other people were going through the same thing as me – so I thought I’d share some tips with you and help you come to terms with it.
I’ve linked to some products in this post that I’ve used and have helped me gain control of my hair again. The links will take you to the Boots website where, if you choose to make a purchase, I will receive a small commission at no extra cost to you. I only use cruelty free products, so all the products in this post are cruelty free too.
Ready to get your tangled hair back under control? Let’s get started.
First of all, I know first hand how much knotty hair can impact your self confidence. But this really isn’t your fault. You didn’t choose to have tangled hair any more than you can choose to just magic your mental health issues away. Try to remind yourself how well you’ve done to come through this dark period and that you deserve kindness, forgiveness and love (easier said than done, I know)!
Block out plenty of time for the task
Depending on the length of your hair and severity of the tangles, you might need a considerable amount of time to get through it. Allow for the fact that it could be exhausting and a little bit painful (although we’ll try to keep it as pain free as possible) and make sure you over estimate to be safe.
I have thick, waist length wavy hair that has a tendency to get very tangled. Because of this, I try to allow around 5 hours for the task. I tend to do it in an evening when I have nothing to get up early for, so that I can still get plenty of sleep if it takes longer than I expected it too. I always choose an interesting and engaging TV show I haven’t seen before when I take this task on – something I’m not likely to dose off in front of. Last time it was Line of Duty!
Deciding whether or not to wet your hair
As I’m sure you are aware, wet hair detangles a little easier than dry hair, particularly when using plenty of conditioner. Because of this, some people will advise you to wet your hair when you start a big detangling job.
However
Wet hair is also weaker than dry hair and far more likely to stretch, damage and break. You should take this into account before choosing to wet your hair for detangling purposes.
People with curly or dry hair might still benefit from dampening their hair, while people with straight hair or thick, heavier hair should try to detangle their hair when it is dry.
I have long, thick hair that is curly and has a tendency to be dry. I don’t add any water to my hair before detangling, but instead use a detangling or conditioning spray all over around 1 hour before getting started and throughout the process.
Condition your hair
I’ve been using Aussie Hair Insurance leave in conditioner spray to help me untangle my hair. Because it’s a leave in conditioner, it doesn’t make my hair greasy looking and it means I can leave it until the next day before I wash my hair after untangling. 1 hair related task is often all I can muster on any given day!
Condition your hair, but don’t wash it while it’s knotted if you can avoid doing so. Washing your hair while it’s tangled causes the knots to relax together and tighten up as they dry, making it even harder to separate later on.
Section your hair with your fingers
If you’re lucky, you’ll be able to use your fingers to tease apart large sections of hair. This will make it easy to determine which areas are most problematic. My worst tangles are usually at the back of my hair or near my crown. I always try to split my hair into 3-5 sections and use soft hair scrunchies to hold each section together while I work on the rest.
Start at the bottom of your hair
Work your way up your hair, starting at the bottom. I use a Tangle Teezer brush to brush towards the ends of my hair, starting about 2 inches from the bottom and working my way up in increments. I stick to the section I’m working on and keep going for as long as I can, stopping to tackle particularly problematic areas as I go.
If you are working with wet hair, Tangle Teezer have a special wet hair brush, that should minimize the risk of causing irreparable damage to your locks.
People with curly hair should consider using a wide tooth comb or afro comb to tease and detangle.
Include a detangling spray
I always add more conditioning spray and a detangling spray as I go along to make sure that things are as pain free and easy as possible.
Tangle Teezer make a every day detangling spray, a detangling spray for kids and a detangling cream spray for thick and/or curly hair.
Start at the bottom of each knot
It may sound obvious, but as well as starting at the bottom of your hair, you should start at the bottom of each individual knot too (although always brush towards the ends)! If you think were to start at the top and pull apart the hairs near the root, you’d cause the knot to tighten lower down.
While it can be a frustrating and slow process, it will start to work over time, I promise. Keep going.
Tie up sections that you’ve finished untangling
Use soft, satin scrunchies to hold back the sections of your hair that are now silky smooth. You don’t need them getting involved with the knots that are left – plus it helps keep everything organised if you need to take a break.
I use scrunchies instead of small hair ties because these can easily become tangled in unruly hair, especially if it’s tied too tight. Scrunchies are much easier to remove smoothly (and what a lovely 90s throwback).
Cutting out knots that you can’t unpick
Ah, this is a nightmare – but I’ve been here. Some tangles are too tight to unpick and you may need to make a cut to help unknot parts of your hair that are especially matted. Don’t fret – we’ve all been there (or maybe just me but at least 1 other person apart from you has been there!)
First of all, make absolutely certain this knot needs cutting. Have you tried detangling spray and are you definitely working from the bottom of the knot? I try to go as sparingly as I can with scissors, but unfortunately sometimes it’s unavoidable.
If a knot is causing me a lot of pain to try to work out, I make cut it out. I used to remove the knot completely, by cutting my hair just above where the tangle begins in order to rid myself of it. That’s not what I do anymore. It left me with a lot of little tufts of hair sticking straight up (which were kinda cute but also not really) so I stopped.
Now, I make 1 single vertical cut through the centre of the knot. It usually leaves the rest of the knot far easier to work my way through and often leaves me with many full lengths of hair left over. I think of it as a tactical cut. It saves me time, spares me some pain and doesn’t leave me with mini little spikes sticking up all over the place. Be careful doing this, make sure you have a friend on hand to help or that you’re using a mirror and some small sharp scissors.
When you’re done, brush it all out
When you think you’ve got rid of all the knots, take all the sections of your hair out of the scrunchies and brush it through, checking it’s smooth and that there are no sneaky tangles hiding about. If you find small knots at this stage, start from the bottom (brushing in the direction from root to end) and work your way up the hair.
Finish with some more conditioner and a huge sigh of relief that you are finally free from tangled hair that’s got out of control. Treat yourself to something that makes you happy. This is a HUGE achievement (believe me, I know) and you deserve a giant reward.
I’ve also put together a post of preventative measures you can use to prevent knotty hair and have written about the daily self care routine I’ve been using to keep myself feeling cared for and confident. Give them a read and please leave a comment below if you have found this post helpful.
Hiya..I’ve just finished untangling my deadlock waist length hair and your words were such an encouragement to do it….
I’ve never heard of depression hair before and I’m so grateful for your words of wisdom and support…
I’m menopausal too which doesn’t help…
I wish you good health,joy and blessings in your future..
Thanks so much x
Hi just read your message my hair completely matted,I’m in a depression badly the past year,I’ve even stop showering don’t even look in the mirror.i haven’t got energy to brush my hair
Maureen, I’m sorry you’re struggling so much. I haven’t been using my blog much this year as I’ve also been having a bad time. It’s so hard to stay on top of personal care & hygiene when you’re living with chronic depression. I hope things are better for you now, but if not I hope you know that you are still important and that we’re rooting for you.
Thank you for this article.
I’m currently typing this with long hair that I’ve soaked and put on a deep conditioner, I bought a load of disposable shower caps of Amazon ( my depression & anxiety didn’t realise I could have bought re usable ones… ) so I’m sat here just hoping that this matted hair which is at the back of my head and on my crown too, I was just putting my hair up in a bun on top and laying in bed all day and night, tv on.. couldn’t tell you what I’ve watched over this last year, although I’ve been severely depressed for 4 years. I last washed my hair about 3 months ago as I was going out with my Mental HealthSocial Worker. It was a huge struggle to wash my hair and get dressed and made up, I’m usually a very glamorous person, not a hair out of place, but anyway… I’m just so grateful to see this as I’m so embarrassed about it, I feel dirty, disgusting, my Beautiful hair is just in a mess.
I’ve fibromyalgia, Trigeminal Neuralgia… severe condition on my face., so washing my hair… I have to be so careful, my neck hurts and my head feels so heavy.
I’ve contemplating cutting my hair into a Bob, but I can make a decision and whilst in this deep depression I know it’s wrong to make such decisions as ill be gutted if I hate it and I don’t want to have to wear clip in hair and ugh… I just hope this works… my hair is so dry so I put the shower caps on… my matte is so big I’ve used two caps one on front and one covering the back… I’ve put a bandanna to keep in place and look a bit more presentable as I’ve got to put this rubbish out as that’s piling up too… Depression is so debilitating.
I hope your feeling better? It does go, but just slowly xx
Hi Beckie,
I’m sorry you’re in such a difficult place. Glad you’re taking steps to tackle your hair. It’s overwhelming isn’t it?
You absolutely are not disgusting and it’s nothing to be embarrassed about. Sending you love and strength and hoping that things start to improve for you soon x
I think I’ve seen this at just the right time. It’s so hard though. I lost my job back in May and I haven’t been able to brush my hair since. I’ve just felt no motivation, no energy. I felt like a failure for losing my job so I saw no reason to care for myself either. My hair’s all knotted at my crown and near my neck, and I genuinely don’t think I can do this alone.
Hi Kayla,
There’s absolutely NO SHAME in it. Self care is hard at the best of times and it’s almost impossible when we feel undeserving of it. But I promise you do deserve it!
You can do this. Take a whole day to care for your hair if you can and get some lovely conditioners and tangle friendly brushes.
If you have a hairdresser or friend you trust, ask them to help you out by gently teasing it out (or even cutting out some of the tougher knots). Good luck. Let me know how it goes
Xxxxx
Same….. job loss…. Actually I was one of the owners but the main owner decided I was the devil and actually fired me and bluffed me into voluntarily surrendering my percentage. Haven’t brushed my thick hair In over 3 months. Trying to detangle right now, it’s just a big bun knot on top of my hair. I’m so afraid I’m going to have to cut it. Please keep me in your thoughts as you are all in mine. Fingers crossed I get this knot out. I’ve never had a hair out of place and my first round of depression with panic attacks I didn’t think we’re even real prior to this… I feel so embarrassed for thinking that. I wouldn’t wish it on anyone. My thoughts are with you all!!
This is such a good and helpful post. I also, was one of those people that thought it was just me that did this. Apart from the very useful tips in the content itself, reading this made me feel so much better knowing I wasn’t alone.
Hi Kelly, I’m sorry you ever felt alone with this – it’s a horrible thought when you worry that you’re doing so much worse than everyone around you but I really think that it’s quite common and writing this post allowed me to connect with so many others also going through it. Thank you so much for sharing!
I have such long thick hair and iv been really poorly and my hair got so matted then I got depressed with my hair and left it, I’ll do it tomorrow attitude. I started to tease it out then I just shoved it up. Tried again and failed. My mum helped me struggled to do it and had no patience and refused to help me again. Now my partner (which is super embarrassing) has said he will help me so fingers crossed my hair can be back to normal. Thanks
Hi Georgina,
I’m sorry you go through this too!! Long thick hair is glorious, but maintaining it is such a huge obstacle when it comes to personal care and mental health.
It honestly is so tough to keep on top of, it feels like I have a big hair untangling day fairly frequently (not frequently enough that it’s less work though!). I understand that it feels embarrassing but please know that you have nothing to feel embarrassed about ❤️
Thank You Anneli! I’m tackling my long matted hair tonight, it’s been months! You have given me hope. Going to watch Bates Motel, make some strong coffee and work on regaining control over my hair! It’s time! There is a private joke between me and a few friends that if they look close enough to my matted bun of hair, they might see two little Beady eyes, hence Rats Nest! It’s funny I will give them that, but over all the BS!
Humour can be helpful sometimes but it also can be really uncomfortable when we’re feeling extra vulnerable so I hope you know that you and your hair deserve love, care and attention that’s positive and kind too. It’s been a while since I logged on so I haven’t seen this until now but I hope you did ok with your hair? I’ve actually been doing ok with it for the last couple of weeks but it seems like there’s always the threat of it going downhill again.
I was so ashamed about my hair (which is currently matted) stayed on the couch like 2 weeks (depression) I knew depression was causing it (I thought I was alone so embarrassed) I did shower but left it tied up ..then BOOM one day came to the realization of what I had done, which depresses ya more ya know..I’m gonna take charge after reading these (seriously thought I had to shave my head) and get some kind of detangeler (I’m thinking baby oil) So to everyone on this all the comments and all THANK YOU I felt so alone and ashamed..this truly gave me the lift I needed to try (now no shaving it)
I know it’s not easy to admit this so from the bottom of my heart THANK YOU ALL ….You saved my hair which in essence saved my pride …YALL ARE THE BEST …STAY BEAUTIFUL MUCHLOVE A.J
I cannot find the words to express to you how much reading this means to me…. I have felt so ashamed and alone re my crazy messed up hair situation. “How could I have let this happen!?” style. I bought all the deep conditioners, hair picks, ext with hopes/ intentions of ‘fixing’ my incredibly tangled hair (I don’t even need hair ties anymore… it’s just stuck in a giant knot ontop of my head) but feel it’s so hopeless I haven’t even tried. You made me feel like there’s still hope….. thank you so much!!!
Thank you for this article.
I know that I’m a little late to the party but my hair is very matted after 18 months of depression, and now that I can self care again I’m glad I found your article.
hi, I came across this and felt so much better knowing I’m not alone in having issues with depression hair. I never even knew that was a thing I have medium length thick curly hair and have been depressed the past year,I’ve gained over 25 pounds and my energy is non-existent and I hadn’t showered in a month. and just kept re sweeping my hair into a ponytail but recently I tried to take a shower and realized how badly my hair was matted! I ended up trying to make cuts above the knots but saw where you wrote it’s best to make vertical cuts so I’m going to try this as a last option. thank you so much for writing this.